I sit here thinking of our first days together. David sleeping on a too small pullout chair-bed. You in a plastic bassinet next to me. I remember my arms being so sore I could hardly hold you. I remember the nurse who had the patience to talk to me about your birth. I remember wanting chocolate milk and graham crackers. I remember the steak and shrimp dinner the hospital gave David and I. Each tray with a little bottle of sparkling cider to celebrate. I remember waking up the next morning and hearing the air whooshing through the vents, but I thought it was the sound of rain, which is a very comforting sound to me. I had never felt so empowered, so womanly, so tired. You had lots of dark hair, which turned blond by your first birthday, now it is a soft light brown. I was determined to nurse you, even though I had to use a nipple shield, the whole 16 months. I wanted to give you the best of every thing. I think I have done well.
You are three now. Sleeping in your toddler bed, with a blanket that was your daddy’s as a boy. Clutching White Bear that is no longer white. The other night you cried out in the night, you could not find your bear. I went in to retrieve him for you. You, half asleep said “bear doesn’t have legs… silly bear.”
You love playing games and I think you will really enjoy your birthday gifts, Chutes and Ladders and Hungry Hungry Hippos. We will open them at your party next week. Each night we say three things that “were so much fun”. You often include your friend Lexi and going to your grandparents house.